Serbia: Hurricane

The Serbian Pussycat Dolls present their tribute to Arnold Schwarzenegger. What really sets Hurricane apart from all the medicore Eurovision songs we have seen over the years is absolutely nothing. Don't get me wrong, fans of hair flicking and squatting will not be disappointed with this video but if you're looking for more than half naked folks stroking each other you're probably best skipping past this one.

One way of breaking up with someone is to have dinner with them and explain why the relationship isn't working and that you feel it is time to move on. Another way (as utilised by Hurricane's lead pussycat) is to invite your two boyfriends to the garden, adorn yourself and them and the bushes in neon glow in the dark clothing and body paint and then, without a hint of irony, explain to them that you saw them with "her". You will know that the breakup has been successful when they fist bump each other.

Is this song really forgettable? Is what forgettable? Let's move on....

OK this year we see one of Hurricane's real strengths being brought to their Eurovision song and that strength is consistency. "Loco loco" is just as unexciting as it's predecessor. Imagine you are working on the checkout at Tesco's (readers who are currently working on the checkout at Tesco's will have a clear advantage here) and you have just scanned a tin of beans and the very next item is another tin of beans and you think "oh look another tin of beans". This song is that tin.

Giraffes are the highlight. They appear in the glitterball safari bits of the video. Other than that we have a bath, ball pit balls and balloons. The props team were clearly tasked with sourcing a bunch of meh.

Counting or number sequences will go a long way to endearing your song to me. This is why Uno is still one of my favourite songs (1,2,4,1,1,1,2,4,1,1,1,2,4,1,2,3,4,5,6). The first act to sing the Fibonacci sequence should get automatic 12 points across the board (or 13 points, ideally). Ultimately, "Loco Loco" has to go down as a slightly worse song than "Hasta La Vista" because "1,2...girls, come on!" involves slightly less counting than "1,2,3...bye bye!".

If, unlike me, you do enjoy "Loco Loco", I would suggest tuning in for the semi-finals because I suspect that is the last we may hear of it.