Estonia: Uku Suviste

I think we may need to start a support group for Eurovision singers whose relationships have broken down and now can't stop themselves writing horrible pop songs about it. Sat next to Vincent Bueno at "Dumped Anonymous" we find Uku Suviste. Let's look at where it all went wrong....

Firstly we have "What Love Is". This is very much the Eurovision equivalent of ordering a salad from Deliveroo. If I'm paying someone on a scooter to risk life and limb ignoring all relevant traffic laws to get me my dinner, then I will be seriously miffed if I find any beetroot or quinoa in it. If your thermal cube of culinary wonders does not contain a giant pizza with 17 differents meats on it or a stack of profiteroles or an entire honey glazed ham then don't bother opening it, just dig a hole, set it on fire and then bury it along with this song.

Estonia, we ordered pyrotechnics, fire, tigers, crazy hats, drones, confetti, monkeys, knife-throwing, CGI dinosaurs and Freddos and you've delivered.....let me check......a shedload of candles.

This song almost got filed under "Whatever" with dozens of other non-events from the years but has actually found its way into "Songs that induce my rage". And this is why....

"I couldn't have told you what blue is
'Til I looked into your eyes"

Sorry, what now? You had no understanding of the colour blue until you looked in your girlfriend's eyes (which we assume must be blue)? At preschool did a 3 year old Uku sit nonplussed trying to work out how to paint the sky and the sea in his pictures? Did he shun the smurf toys? Refuse to eat blueberries? Did he never appreciate the beauty of the Cookie Monster?

"Oh it's just poetic!" No it's not, it's nonsense. Stop it!

Does it get better in 2021....?

No.

Now our clueless, blueless friend is sad and angry about his girlfriend leaving. Picking apart the lyrics and the video, it seems they used to have sex and playfully put food on each other, then she cheated on him and left him while he tried to make her stay and so now he's singing about how lucky he is and what a good thing it is that he had the nerve to say goodbye.

I wouldn't get too attached to "The Lucky One". It will surely be sifted out in the semifinals.