Czech Republic: Benny Cristo

In 2018 I fulfilled one of my life goals when I was accepted as a contestant on Countdown. Despite believing myself to be a highly talented Countdowner, I ended up locking alphanumeric horns with a man worthy of any gameshow's teapot.

Every round he had the edge. If I got a six letter word, he got a seven. I got an eight, he got "INTESTINE". Behind the polite and serene facade, I was raging. It was clear that I would lose and with two rounds to go I was already too far behind. But the final numbers round gave a target of 471. He was one away but I had it! With great glee I shared my solution before Rachel Riley uttered the 5 words that will haunt me for the rest of my life.

"You've used the 8 twice."

My opponent let out the tiniest snigger and I exploded. I snapped my pencil, threw Susie's dictionary at him and yelled "You think you're better than me?! Who the heck do you think you are?"

"I'm Benny Cristo and yes, yes I am better than you."

I have since investigated and it turns out he's right. My Muse cover band played a gig in the college bar, he is at Eurovision. I've played some Saturday league football, he's been a European champion in Brazilian jiu-jitsu and snowboarded professionally. I had one line in our school play once, he starred in a Czech medical drama for 4 seasons. 

So last year the omnitalented Mr Cristo brought us the song "Kemama"....

This song would not have received any points from me and not just because of some imaginary TV spat. Initially I chose to give it no points because it seemed a bit too cool for my liking. I've always been too nerdy for hip or hop music and, if this doesn't fall somewhere in the vicinity of that genre, it probably means that it's some other trendy new young person genre that I don't understand. But then I discovered that Benny turns 34 this year. He may still be younger than me but he's definitely too old to be skateboarding, drinking with his mates in a van and dancing topless at a house party like some insufferable, carefree youth. So Benny gets no points from me- either because he's too cool for me or because he's too cool for himself. 

Well Benny's back and this is "Omaga".....

Well what do you know, Benny Cristo also has a sense of humour! And one that is no doubt much better than me and my collection of stupid dad jokes. The video is filled with little homages to films and TV shows that I know and it makes me happy. It feels like Benny has really reached out an olive branch to me and I hear him whisper "You're a lot like an overweight Homer Simpson, lying on a sofa eating donuts and here am I, whilst still a supremely gifted and successful individual across many fields with well chiselled abs and magnificent dreadlocks, lying on a sofa, eating a donut and pretending to be Homer Simpson." 

You're right, Benny, we're not too different, you and me!

"Omaga" is fun and I look forward to seeing if Benny Cristo can bring a playfulness to his live performance that might maybe be deserving of a point or two. We shall see!